I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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