I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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