I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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