Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
