in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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