Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
this is an emotional support booty call
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
