we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
