worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When are your genitals available?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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