You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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