You're completely useless in the revolution.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
