I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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