eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
