A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just threw up on my dentist
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
