You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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