it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
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YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course