where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood