how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence