if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...