Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
