Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
