Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
