I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
