We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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