Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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