What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
