I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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