u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
