Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize