dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
