Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
