I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
