you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
