Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The air taste purple.
Randomize
