Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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