He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
