Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
