Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.