i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.