laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
