He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
