Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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