It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
