Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
