after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
