does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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