Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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