Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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