no, he came in my armpit
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
