I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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