your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
