opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
