Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
