Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
