Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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