He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
