Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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