Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
