enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
