we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
