My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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