Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
