it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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