Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
