Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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