u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize