i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
