I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
