so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
