sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
