Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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