Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
