I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
