you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
