Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
