I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize