Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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