wanna go halves on a baby?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
