Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i drank out of a bidet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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