What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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