you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
