Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
